We have a problem in our society, ladies and gents, and as time goes on it’s becoming more and more apparent (and harmful). I, Lisa Jean Turpin, can no longer stand idly by and watch our blessed country and establishment be torn asunder by it—so I have founded a group that I can get behind wholeheartedly and hopefully use to improve on this problem. I hope that you can do the same.
The Society for the Prevention of the Outmoding of Useable Scutwork by Elves. S.P.O.U.S.E for short.
I am sick and tired of all menial job-opportunities for able-bodied young witches and wizards being usurped by House Elves! In our society, if it is your dearest ambition to be a maid, cook or butler? You’d never be able to get a job! Anyone can go out and find a House Elf to do those tasks for free—thus, you’re forced to go out and toil away in a job that you hate—when you could be scrubbing floors at minimum wage. How many more dreams must be crushed before people will sit up and take notice? I say we cast off our shackles of silence and tell the world! We want those jobs!
A change is coming, ladies and gentleman. House Elves will leave these posts eventually—but the question is: do we want to shift the positions in a controlled and reasonable manner? Or haphazardly, when the Great House Elf Revolution comes to pass. Yes, that’s right, I’ve said it. The notion of a Revolution is a rather taboo subject nowadays, but I want to change that. How can we prepare ourselves for this inevitable event when we’re trying so hard to remain ignorant and in denial?! At this very moment House Elves are exacting small revenges—and even being groomed for independence by such organizations as S.P.E.W. I say that we support these Elves in their quest and ready ourselves to swoop in gracefully when their jobs become available.
I sincerely hope that you all will seriously consider what it is I’m saying. S.P.O.U.S.E needs your support to get off the ground and accomplish its cause! Rise up beside us and help make our dream a reality! Servile positions for all! Please contact me if you’re interested in volunteering or donating money or supplies.
Pamphlets and complimentary S.P.O.U.S.E legwarmers and potholders will be forthcoming.